Christmas Party!
I found the following amusing.....
*******************************************************************************************
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All ASSOCIATES
DATE: 4 November
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to announce the company Christmas Party on Dec. 23rd, starting with a festive lunch at noon, at the Beef Baron Grille. There will be a half-price cash bar and live music. Feel free to sing along to traditional carols.
Don't be surprised if the Santa Claus resembles our Managing Director who will make a special announcement at the Party
A Christmas Tree will be lit at 1.00 p.m.
to begin our traditional gift exchange: no gift should cost more than $10.00.
This jolly gathering is only for associates!
Merry Christmas to you and your Families,
Pauline
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Associates
DATE: 5 November
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intende d to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. We are now having a 'Holiday Party.' There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your families, Pauline.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Associates
DATE : 6 November
RE: Holiday Party
I received a request from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous for a non-drinking table. I would have replied personally if you had signed your name. I'm happy to comply, but if I sign a table, "AA ONLY," you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!! How do I handle this? Somebody? Anybody?
NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
(The Union Off icials feel that $10.00 is too costly, and Management believes $10.00 is rather cheap.) Pauline.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees
DATE: 7 November
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. Rather than offend our Muslim associates, the food staff will delay serving your meals till sunset or package it for you in take-home bags. Will that work?
Also, I've arranged for Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet while pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men as both will have their own tables. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table, too.
To the person asking permission to cross dress: NO cross dressing allowed. And No, no inflatable sheep.
We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food. We suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for diabetics.
Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?! Pauline.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees
DATE: 8 November
RE: The ******** Holiday Party.
I've had it with you Vegetarian pricks! This party will stay at the Beef Baron Grille! You have been alloted the table farthest from the "Grill of Agonizing Animal Sacrifice" as you describe it.
You'll get your f****** salad bar - including organic tomatoes, but you know tomatoes have feelings, too.
They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!!
Wishing all you losers a rotten holiday! DRINK, DRIVE & DIE!
The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: John Bishop - Acting HUMAN RESOURCES DIRECTOR
Date: 10 November
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recov ery. HR will forward your cards to her.
Her extended leave mandates that we cancel our Holiday Party. Instead, everyone will stop work at noon on
December 23 and have the afternoon off with full pay. How disappointed Pauline would be!
*******************************************************************************************
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All ASSOCIATES
DATE: 4 November
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to announce the company Christmas Party on Dec. 23rd, starting with a festive lunch at noon, at the Beef Baron Grille. There will be a half-price cash bar and live music. Feel free to sing along to traditional carols.
Don't be surprised if the Santa Claus resembles our Managing Director who will make a special announcement at the Party
A Christmas Tree will be lit at 1.00 p.m.
to begin our traditional gift exchange: no gift should cost more than $10.00.
This jolly gathering is only for associates!
Merry Christmas to you and your Families,
Pauline
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Associates
DATE: 5 November
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intende d to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. We are now having a 'Holiday Party.' There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your families, Pauline.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Associates
DATE : 6 November
RE: Holiday Party
I received a request from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous for a non-drinking table. I would have replied personally if you had signed your name. I'm happy to comply, but if I sign a table, "AA ONLY," you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!! How do I handle this? Somebody? Anybody?
NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
(The Union Off icials feel that $10.00 is too costly, and Management believes $10.00 is rather cheap.) Pauline.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees
DATE: 7 November
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. Rather than offend our Muslim associates, the food staff will delay serving your meals till sunset or package it for you in take-home bags. Will that work?
Also, I've arranged for Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet while pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men as both will have their own tables. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table, too.
To the person asking permission to cross dress: NO cross dressing allowed. And No, no inflatable sheep.
We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food. We suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for diabetics.
Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?! Pauline.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees
DATE: 8 November
RE: The ******** Holiday Party.
I've had it with you Vegetarian pricks! This party will stay at the Beef Baron Grille! You have been alloted the table farthest from the "Grill of Agonizing Animal Sacrifice" as you describe it.
You'll get your f****** salad bar - including organic tomatoes, but you know tomatoes have feelings, too.
They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!!
Wishing all you losers a rotten holiday! DRINK, DRIVE & DIE!
The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: John Bishop - Acting HUMAN RESOURCES DIRECTOR
Date: 10 November
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recov ery. HR will forward your cards to her.
Her extended leave mandates that we cancel our Holiday Party. Instead, everyone will stop work at noon on
December 23 and have the afternoon off with full pay. How disappointed Pauline would be!
posted by "Just" Joe at 8:25 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home