to come up with ideas. There are times I think I am spent. There are times I just can't think of anything. There are days where I think, "Why bother! Who gives a shit?" because I honestly think people really don't give a shit. What I really think it must be is the fact that I have achieved a state of blahness unknown to mankind. I've started looking for another job, because I am done with my life here. Everyday something reminds me why I don't belong here in Central Illinois or why I don't want to be here or whatever it is .... The point is, I've never been this unhappy in all my life and there have been plenty of opportunities to be unhappier in the past... Hell, I slept on a cot in my niece's bedroom for a couple years!!!! I really hate this. I feel trapped. I feel suffocated. I am alone. My luck will be that my present job search will result in nothing and I, because of economic reasons, will have to endure another year living in complete lonliness here in a place I am damned convinced doesn't want me around. I have never felt so different from the people around me as I do now. .... See! SEE!!! This is why I don't write here much. I've got nothing except bad feelings. You don't want to hear bad feelings!!!! I don't want to write bad feelings!
On the plus side of things... I am beginning to reestablish a life back up north. I've been in contact with some old friends from the past. This could be fun, this recconnection. Maybe there I will find a place to belong.
Prost!
4 Comments:
I give a shit, Joe. I really do. You deserve to be happy. Hugs!
What? Sleeping on the Barbie's that Cassie hid under the covers of your cot didn't give you a sense of belonging??? We failed!
You know what I meant!
The Barbie's hurt, btw.
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