An Affirmation By Joe! (That's me!)

It's been awhile since I wrote some serious shit... So, why the fuck not? Huh? Serious shit? Ready??? Here we go!!!

It’s been hard to focus on the funny the past few of weeks. Lately, ever moral fiber of my being has been put to the test. I’ve decided that the toll has been too much, and it is time to work at being that Passive Observer. I have too much to accomplish to let factors that I really shouldn’t let burden my soul put a wrench in my grand plan. I care… That’s been a problem. I care. I can’t help, but care. But, there are the things I can change versus the things I cannot change. And, for those things I can’t change, I must learn to accept. IT is what it is…But, still, I haven’t felt usually funny self. And, I have been wondering about the decisions I have made on a personal level… I have been seeking the answers and finally, today, I was reminded why I decided to make changes in my life in the first place. I don’t get these reminders too often, but when they do a small flame of hope starts to flutter in the woodpile I thought burned out. They say, these are the times that try a man’s soul. Well, I am tried. I am tired. I have even started smoking again (I plan to stop soon. That’s all I am going to say about that… SOON.. when I am ready, which will be shortly. So, I apologize in advance to all those people that supported me. I must be allowed to fuck up every now again. I am not perfect. Lately, I needed that five minutes, every now again, to put things back on track… AND, I also have ZUMA downloaded on my computer. I find much good thinking time as I shoot a marble from a frog’s mouth into a line of marbles to, well, blow them away. Therapeutic, if you ask me). I was starting to give up hope. All around me, people I have seen seem to have it all figured out. Everything seems to be working out. They seem to be happy. And, here I am dealing with shit over here… over there… and shit that doesn’t even belong to me…. And, I thought it looked bleak. But, last week, I accidentally received an e-mail by mistake from a person that really needed help. I don’t know why or how… But, I was on some distribution list, I guess… So, I wrote that person and offered some assistance and a prayer. Yesterday, I received a kind reply and an assurance all was okay. And, they appreciated and needed the words of a stranger… AND, today I was reminded why I dropped out of a chance at a lucrative career to find a more rewarding pursuit that won’t even be near lucrative… And, it felt good. It really did. Maybe, I can help this person. Maybe I can’t, but damnit, I need to try. I think we need these reminders every so often, to keep us on track. So, I think for the most part of the day, I will start to continue my job search (something I just stopped doing after the last job fair… Those were brutal! BRUTAL!) and continue my pursuit. Something will turn up. That’s what I think the message was from today and that one e-mail. It was confirmation from the powers that be that I have a purpose, and I need to pursue it…. Thanks, Powers that Be….

As for a funny? Em has a new ball and bat I bought her at Walgreens. I have decided to teach a two-year-old the fine arts of baseball…. We’ll see how this goes! On the plus side, she’s sleeping with the bat on ball… On the negative side? If you were two and had a club, what would you do with it? Yeah, I know… My poor shins!!!! I can see the tears now. Don’t worry, I never cry in public.

I love trying my hand at the serious shit... In my head it makes sense, but I often find I have a hard time writing it... I try to expand my horizons by trying to write from the heart... I often fail and it ends up gobbly-gook like the above, but I have to try... How else can I grow creatively? Sure, I can drink beer.. But that causes me to grow different ways!