Three Days....
Things I learned over 34 years!!!
1. People suck. Avoid as many as possible.
2. If the pizza is burning as it comes out of the oven, don't touch it. Hey man! That thing is hot!
3. Quit telling smokers they should quit and what a disgusting habit it is. They know. They don't care.
4. It is all about a choice and accepting the consequences of that choice. If you don't like the consequence(s) of that choice, then don't do it!
5. Swear words make great verbal punctuation marks!
6. There is no such thing as an "express lane."
7. Your car will break down at the most inconvenient moment. AND, you better hope it isn't outside Janesville, WI. They aren't very helpful there. The hotel people were rather nice, I guess.
8. If you choose to drink beer that is above 8% in alcohol, drink it slow... SLOW!!! Trust me... SLOW!!! Did you not hear me? SLOW!!!!
9. People who text message all the goddamn time should be fucking shot! Dude, you're not that important! And, neither is your loser ass friend!
10. Slinkies are wonderful toys. They are fun for a girl and a boy!
11. Looney Toon cartoons are the best! THE BEST!!! And, other cartoon short folks have yet to be able to recapture that magic. Which means simply, take your time, folks! TAKE YOUR TIME and quit forcing the jokes. Just let them happen.
12. Chinese food rocks!
13. Cars were probably the worst invention created by mankind...they cause death. They always need work. If I had all that money back in my pocket that I spent on all my damn cars over a life-time... Well, for one, I'd probably still have my first car, because it wouldn't have fallen apart, and I'd... I'd be broke LESS!
14. "Kids these days," he types as he shakes his head.
15. People should have an assortment of guilty pleasures. It adds variety to life.
16. The government does not have your best intentions in mind, folks. Stop giving those rich bastards so much power. Give it to me instead! :)
17. The holidays should be a few days longer. Just a few!
18. Valentine's Day is not a Hallmark Holiday. It's an American Greetings Holiday.
19. Conversation hearts... add that to the list of guilty pleasures. January 3rd today... So, they should be on store shelves. Go out there and get them, and be guilty!
20. There is more then one way to Milwaukee, and most of them suck.
21. I am not quite sure on how to tell you this, but there is somebody behind you.
22. I think when people say, "Are you kidding me?" A nice retort would be to say, "If I were kidding you, then I would say, "Hey, you are growing horns!' So, no, I am not kidding you. There IS somebody behind you!"
23. Popcorn can be messy if you don't get all of it in your mouth in one bite.
24. Easter grass is magical. It gets everywhere and stays there forever.
25. Most people are full of shit. Just go find out for yourself.
26. 95% of the people on myspace are liars. 99% of the people on match.com are liars. Basically, people lie to make themselves more interesting. Folks, refer to #1.
27. If a strange voice tells you to leave the house, leave the house.
28. Movie people and casual movie watchers should not watch movies together.
29. Laziness shouldn't be condoned. Good lazy people have made it an art-form and it should be viewed as such!
30. If the weather sucks outside, stay inside. It is that simple.
31. Birds + windows = tragedy. Some playwright or writer get on this one.
32. I am not saying Janesville, WI sucks... I wouldn't want to really go there, but they could've been tad more helpful.
33. You can only have so much shit in a collection before it really gets out of hand.
And, finally....
34. We all need a fortress of solitude. I have mine in Wisconsin. I am not telling you where it is. You can go get your own.
Happy New Year!
Later.
6 Comments:
#35 The PAC10 will whomp the shit out of the Big 10 8 times out of 10 in the Rose Bowl.
I fail to see the humor in that remark, IOWA fan!
I had a fortress of solitude. It was really nice, too, with a moat and some alligator gars, but it was usurped. Friggin' ponies.
Joe,
If you have a fortess of solitude, then who's your Lex Luthor?
Probably his baby niece. If it weren't for her, we wouldn't need a fortress of solitude.
Who is my Lex Luthor? Damn, that is a good question. I would have to say, after some thought, I am my own Lex Luthor. I will spare the details.
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