"Is there....
anybody out there?" ..... Yes, folks, today I began with a lyric from Pink Floyd. Oh how clever is that!?!?!? Yes, not so clever is it? Especially if you aren't a Pink Floyd fan... or don't care if you are out there of care if anybody is out there. Serious, where are you when you wonder who's out there? My guess is you are in a place you shouldn't be and more than likely being stalked by some crazed dude in a political mask with hedge clippers.
I think it would suck being stalked by somebody with hedge clippers. Those things have got to hurt once they are used to clip you. I am thinking the immense blood loss would be incredible. Take this as a public service warning to you all... avoid lunatics with hedge clippers. It could hurt.
Now, the main event, bar any hedge clippers....
10 MORE changes I will make when I rule the world.... Ready, set, go!
1. Some bullshit about world peace or crapola like that.... Yeah, I would bring it to fruition... I guess it needs to happen. Once I rule the world, I guess I would want to keep ruling it. I don't want to be killed... That's all I would need... Bozo's with guns... or ... hedge clippers trying to take me out. Maybe I should, with world peace, get rid of vigilante Bozos as well.
2. I will remove the word "Poinsettia" from the English Lexicon...
3. The new Christmas plant would be eggplant. That is until I decide to remove "eggplant" from our language. I am not a fan of that word. Not a big fan at all.
4. Space aliens will get in at half-price!
5. The Global Anthem will be... "I'm A Little Teapot" sung to the tune of Led Zeppelin's "Black Dog"... And, yes, the song's movements must be done.... I don't have to do them. YOU DO! (A good alternate song would be Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here" ... I love the fish bowl lyric. Fantastic!)
6. Antarctica will be home to the most kick ass sledding hill imaginable.
7. Sorry manatees, you're out!
8. The famous "Running of the Bulls" will be changed to the "Running of the Caribou."
9. All distances will be measured in hours and minutes.
10. Kenyans will no longer be allowed to compete in marathon races. We know they can kick our asses.
11. BONUS: The number "1" will no longer be the loneliest. That title will then belong to "233,353,234."
What a wonderful world it will be!
I think it would suck being stalked by somebody with hedge clippers. Those things have got to hurt once they are used to clip you. I am thinking the immense blood loss would be incredible. Take this as a public service warning to you all... avoid lunatics with hedge clippers. It could hurt.
Now, the main event, bar any hedge clippers....
10 MORE changes I will make when I rule the world.... Ready, set, go!
1. Some bullshit about world peace or crapola like that.... Yeah, I would bring it to fruition... I guess it needs to happen. Once I rule the world, I guess I would want to keep ruling it. I don't want to be killed... That's all I would need... Bozo's with guns... or ... hedge clippers trying to take me out. Maybe I should, with world peace, get rid of vigilante Bozos as well.
2. I will remove the word "Poinsettia" from the English Lexicon...
3. The new Christmas plant would be eggplant. That is until I decide to remove "eggplant" from our language. I am not a fan of that word. Not a big fan at all.
4. Space aliens will get in at half-price!
5. The Global Anthem will be... "I'm A Little Teapot" sung to the tune of Led Zeppelin's "Black Dog"... And, yes, the song's movements must be done.... I don't have to do them. YOU DO! (A good alternate song would be Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here" ... I love the fish bowl lyric. Fantastic!)
6. Antarctica will be home to the most kick ass sledding hill imaginable.
7. Sorry manatees, you're out!
8. The famous "Running of the Bulls" will be changed to the "Running of the Caribou."
9. All distances will be measured in hours and minutes.
10. Kenyans will no longer be allowed to compete in marathon races. We know they can kick our asses.
11. BONUS: The number "1" will no longer be the loneliest. That title will then belong to "233,353,234."
What a wonderful world it will be!
posted by "Just" Joe at 11:02 PM
1 Comments:
I just want people to know that I have the right as the world ruler to change any language I want at a moments notice.... And, since I can, the word "extrapolate" would be eventually eliminated! And, I will get rid of "mauve"... bullshit color anyway.
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