A Bottle of Whiskey and a Couple Knives....

To say I am unlucky in love is quite an understatment. I can't figure out if it is God's way of telling me that maybe I should consider a life in the priesthood or just to stay away from women. Anyway, I spent the evening with some good friends last Saturday, and perhaps together we figured out how I can be a "chick magnet" as Schecki said. In the news were two very scary stories about humanity. First story dealt with a child porn ring sting that led to the arrest of 27 individuals internationally. Three dudes were arrested in the Chicagoland area, which if you haven't figured out is where I rest my little head. One of those dudes did stuff with his own 18 month old child. The conversation on this kinda went like this. "Let's think about this," I suggested. "This dude had a kid. This fucked-up individual managed to convince somebody to have sex with him! How did he do it?" I asked. "Whiskey," Paul said. "He used whiskey. 'Here baby, have some of this. It won't hurt you!" "Whiskey?" I asked. "I never thought of that." "Whiskey," said Schecki. It was then Schecki brought up the second news story. As she and Paul both explained it, some fucked up dude held off the police by throwing knives at them. I guess as the rucous continued, the the malee that was the event, the fucked up dude cut off his "wang" and also tossed it at the police. "Why?" I asked, "Would he do that?" And Paul said, "Some emotional angst over his girlfriend." So we all thought about the idea of how this dude managed to get a girlfriend... Basically, the following conclusion resulted. If I coax a woman with whiskey and use knives too, not only toss at people, but cut off my masculinity, I am SOOO never going to be alone again in my life! I am SOOO going to be so cool with the ladies! Now, if you excuse me, I have some shopping to do!