More Fun With Conversation Hearts!

Valentine's Day has come and gone. I know this. In fact, I am rather happy about that fact. Nothing irritates me more then frilly shit mixed in with the "happy" colors of pink, white, and red. It is enough to make cynics, like myself, puke. Anyway, not to long ago I ran an experiment regarding a bag of conversation hearts. That is, I talked with that bag. Well, the conversation didn't go very well and I was quite discouraged. I was out to a store not long ago, and I found a bag of Brach's Big Conversation hearts for 75% off!!! I thought to myself, "Maybe the bag I had last month wasn't much into conversation. Maybe this bag will present more possibilities." So, here we go... a bag of Brach's conversation hearts (last bag was made by Necco) and me....

Me: Hello, Brach's Bag of Conversation Hearts! What's up?
Conversation Heart (CH): "Awesome"
Me: Oh? Does that mean you are good? OR, is there something awesome I should know about?
CH: "Head/Heals"
Me: What?
CH: "Heart throb"
Me: Oh, um... gee thanks.
CH: "E-mail me"
Me: 'Okay, what's your address?
CH: "Good times"
Me: Is that your address? I am not following.
CH: "Guess Who?"
Me: Okay, you are a white conversation heart with pink lettering. But, what is your e-mail?
CH: "You rock"
Me: Thanks, I think... but, what about that e-mail address?
CH: "Talk to me"
Me: I am!
CH: "Sweet thing"
Me: What? Listen, I don't have time for shenanigans... (Now, there is a word not much used!)
CH: "Sweet thing"
Me: Quit trying to schmooze me...I am not in the mood. Now, do you want me to e-mail you or not?
CH: "No doubt"
Me: Then what is your e-mail address?
CH: "Heart throb"
Me: Heart throb at what?
CH: "Too cool"
Me: Yes, I know, getting an e-mail from me is totally cool. Now, Heart Throb at what domain?
CH: "Cool 4 me"
Me: I have never heard of that... are you pulling my leg? Cus.. if you are, I will eat you?
CH: "Good times"
Me: What, you fucking with me over e-mailing? I am not amused, Conversation heart.
CH: "Good 4 you"
Me: Hey! I don't think you fucking with me is good. Jesus!
CH: "You flirt"
Me: I am not flirting with you... can't you see my face getting red with anger, here?
CH: "Good 4 me"
Me: Oh, so you want me to be angry at you! I think that's fucked up!
CH: "I'm in love"
Me: Oh, that's fine. Dodge the issue.
CH: *smudged*
Me: Come again?
CH: "No doubt"
Me: You know, I am not getting you.
CH: "Good times"
Me: Okay, this conversation is getting stupid. I don't think you have anything pertinent to say. How about the recent election? What about that?!?!?
CH: "Honey Pie"
Me: Honey pie? ... How about Global warming?
CH: "Party time"
Me: Oh, I see... the idea of polar ice caps melting and flooding our coastal cities appeals to you?
CH: "You flirt"
Me: You know what? This was a bad idea. I am outta here. You're just a stupid bag of candy with absolutely nothing to say....
CH: "Good times"
Me: You know what? Fuck you! I'm done.
CH: "Friends 4 Ever"
Me: I don't think so... bye.
CH: "Too Cool"
Me: Bite me.


Okay, so conversations with Conversation Hearts ... not a good idea. I suggest you go and converse with, say... people. Candy? Nah... They maybe sweet, but dumb as a rock.

Later