When I rule the world....
Yesterday I decided to do the second part in a series of road trips designed merely so I can say, "Oh yeah? Well, I went to blah to do blah!" In the first part of my series I went to Colby, WI to buy a block of Colby Cheese. I did part two on Saturday. I went to Hannibal, MO to buy a book by Mark Twain. It was fun. Not only did I get my book ("Adventures of Tom Sawyer"), but I went on a steam boat, looked at a historical district, and walked around in a cave. It was a fun-filled adventure. It also gave me a chance to head out of Central Illinois for a little bit. When I returned, back to Central Illinois after my shitty ass summer, I said to myself, "Joe, you really don't have much in Central Illinois, now do ya?" I answered, "Some friends, but no, not really." "Everybody you know has their own lives and their living them, and you have the luxury of not having a life...right?" "Thanks," I said to myself. "I didn't need a reminder. But, I guess you're right." "Well," said that voice. "Let's road trip!" That's pretty much been the story of my weekends since I returned. Next week I am off to Wisconsin! It's that time of the season where I say good-bye to my summer home for six months... and wish for June so I can return there ... to cut trees... mow grass... and be amongst nature. Sigh...I miss it already.
Okay, so the point of my story. As I ventured to Hannibal, I started to make a list. The following ten items will be the first things I do when I finally rule the world.
1. I will make every state and national capital an amusement park. Each amusement park will feature the culture and climate of the region. In Illinois, for example, the park will be split into two themes: South of I-80 and North of I-80.
2. When I decide where my office will be, I will place the Prime Meridian there. In other words, I plan on working in two halves of the world at the same time. I will also make that line the International Date Line. Therefore, I can work for today and tomorrow at the same time.
3. Every Thursday, at all establishments, it will be $.10 Buffalo Wings night. AND, $2.00 pitchers of GOOD beer. (one of my future trips will be to go to Buffalo, NY to eat wings. This one will take some planning)
4. Cheese sauce will be eliminated and replaced with good, old-fashioned, melted cheese.... LIKE IT SHOULD BE!!! Come on, people? Cheese sauce? For fuck sake!
5. All of Canada will be a nature preserve. I have no issues with Canada. I just think it would best serve the world if it were a nature preserve.
6. It is my impression that most of the inhabitants of Arizona once lived in Illinois, therefore Illinois and Arizona should be one state called Illizonia. I will build a bridge between Illinois and Arizona for ease of transportation. I think in Illinzonia is where I will build my fortress.
7. Planet Earth will be called "Joe's Bar and Grill."
8. I will have my own jet plane. ... I think people that rule the world should have their own jet planes. It will be a stealth jet plane!
9. Chocolate for everyone!!!!
10. The world's currency will be called "Joe's Money!" ... Because, after all, everything will be mine!!!
Yeah.... what a wonderful world it will be!
Okay, so the point of my story. As I ventured to Hannibal, I started to make a list. The following ten items will be the first things I do when I finally rule the world.
1. I will make every state and national capital an amusement park. Each amusement park will feature the culture and climate of the region. In Illinois, for example, the park will be split into two themes: South of I-80 and North of I-80.
2. When I decide where my office will be, I will place the Prime Meridian there. In other words, I plan on working in two halves of the world at the same time. I will also make that line the International Date Line. Therefore, I can work for today and tomorrow at the same time.
3. Every Thursday, at all establishments, it will be $.10 Buffalo Wings night. AND, $2.00 pitchers of GOOD beer. (one of my future trips will be to go to Buffalo, NY to eat wings. This one will take some planning)
4. Cheese sauce will be eliminated and replaced with good, old-fashioned, melted cheese.... LIKE IT SHOULD BE!!! Come on, people? Cheese sauce? For fuck sake!
5. All of Canada will be a nature preserve. I have no issues with Canada. I just think it would best serve the world if it were a nature preserve.
6. It is my impression that most of the inhabitants of Arizona once lived in Illinois, therefore Illinois and Arizona should be one state called Illizonia. I will build a bridge between Illinois and Arizona for ease of transportation. I think in Illinzonia is where I will build my fortress.
7. Planet Earth will be called "Joe's Bar and Grill."
8. I will have my own jet plane. ... I think people that rule the world should have their own jet planes. It will be a stealth jet plane!
9. Chocolate for everyone!!!!
10. The world's currency will be called "Joe's Money!" ... Because, after all, everything will be mine!!!
Yeah.... what a wonderful world it will be!
posted by "Just" Joe at 6:43 PM
2 Comments:
When you rule the world, can you rename Hawaii as "Chocolate Land" and make me the ambassador to "Chocolate Land?" Just a thought...
I don't think we get chocolate from Hawaii... Pineapples and Sugar, I think. Still want the ambassador bit there? How about if I remove pineapple chunks and just have pineapple rings?
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