In college, I thought it would be a fantastic idea to buy this immense, huge ass, not very practical but huge, super big, my GOD was it big, really, really big, super big, awfully big, you should've seen its bigness, computer desk for my equally immense (for the time) IBM Aptiva Super Computer that could easily rule the world had I let it.... Oh, was that a desk! It was huge! AND, if it wasn't being used as a computer desk, it could be used as a Dining-room table... But, not just any dining-room table, but a similar table to that depicted in DaVinci's Last Supper: here everybody, for some strange reason, could all sit on one side (Weird folk back in the time of Christ. People? Sit AROUND the table. It's okay). Did I mention how huge that desk was? it was? Fucking huge! At Sam's Club where I bought it, it didn't look so big on the floor... Granted it's a warehouse, and everything looks smaller then it really is, but still... And, I must've been drunk or something to think that desk could fit in my little apartment bedroom (apartment bedrooms? Why are they soooo damned small?) with my double bed and all my accumulated college shit (that included not one, but TWO! TWO Yaffa block towers filled with textbooks I never read….ummmm….)...my loads and loads of accumulated college shit. But, I figured it could fit because, well, it could be folded at a 90 degree angle in one corner of the room! The Desk could form the letter “L”! How fucking cool is that! It was huge and it could make letters of the alphabet. My thinking, I think it was, I could place my computer on one half of the mega desk against this one wall with my nice Mexican Blanket Hanging thing (Many college apartments back in the day had two constants... the Mexican Blanket Hanging thing and a Halogen Lamp that could catch the Mexican Blanket Hanging on fire and then burn everything down... Ahhh... college life!) and then I could use the other half as my work area, you know, study, write, read, dance, giggle, jump up and down, you know, regular college empty desk type stuff (actually, it became more of a dumping ground for more of my accumulated shit and makeshift high-rise hamper. It was a kick ass desk). I bought it and off it went, to my room or what was visible in my room. I am a slob…. Now, with any kick ass, mega, alphabet desk that can be used for both computer and hamper, I needed a chair… and not any chair, but an office chair with wheels so I could roll from one side of the L to the other with minimum fuss… And, that is of course, a theory. Most of the time, I had to get up and remove the clothing that was in the way before I could travel the long distance. It was a great chair…. It was bluish, and fabriced. It had handles and swivel capabilities (for those times I needed to turn around fast to avoid assassins) and wheels and with the use of a handle I could rise or lower or lock or unlock the reclining capability. Yup, that was my chair. I loved that chair. It was good for sitting, leaving stuff on, sitting, holding the stuff from my bed until the morning when I could put it back on the bed so I could use the chair, moving from different parts of the desk. Yes, that was my chair. Oh, yeah, the desk… Did it fit in my room? Barely… I lost a lot of room with that monster, but I was stupid and I learned that big desks don’t belong in small rooms. It is one of those hard but necessary life lessons to learn. I am glad I learned it then. Anyway, I loved that chair. I sat in it every time I was on the computer or needed to sit in my room. It was there for me. It supported my ass. What a chair! And, I took it with me when I left college and stored it in my Grandma’s basement because there wasn’t room for it at my sister’s house where I moved to at that time. Eventually, I was able to take that chair with me to my first apartment and I used it there for pretty much the same purposes as I used in college. And, then it went back in storage after I became unemployed and again, was brought out of storage and used for pretty much the same purposes as I used it in college and when I got my first apartment here in my basement room back at my sister’s new house…. Over time, because the chair was fabriced, it began to smell. I didn’t mind. That just means the chair was loved… I think. And, it eventually died when the house flooded do to the evil forces of nature, stupidity, and dumb luck. It was destroyed by three small, furry cats that used it for safety during this time. Then the chair really smelled, and I destroyed it because it begged me to…. … Well, this past weekend, I finally got a replacement (after almost a long time)… It’s pretty much the same chair, but black leather this time! I am moving up in style! Yup, a new chair that only cost me $25! It was on clearance and…. I had a gift card! AND, now I have a new chair…. Hmmm… That took me awhile to get here… Boy, was this story anti-climactic. I mean, the desk stuff too a clearance chair…. Well, the desk, my friends? Dead too! I left it behind in my grandma’s basement where it took up a whole wall because it wasn’t “L’d” but Last Suppered… Nobody was eating at it. It was used to hold my stored boxes off the floor. It was also broken. In one of my many moves, it was dropped by a friend and cracked near storage drawer that it had… You know? For as big as that fucker was, it only gave me one storage drawer and an empty space… What a piece of large shit! I got screwed! I got screwed out of a spacious, really small room and I got screwed out of storage space!!!!! Well, that does suck… But, I have a new $25 chair that goes up and down with a handle.. It locks if I don’t feel like reclining. It holds the stuff from my bed at night and during the day that stuff gets returned to the bed… It swivels and it has wheels… Ahh… the simple things in life.
