Indian Guy? Where are you!?!?!?

I have absolutely no idea. It's a problem. I wish I had a clue. I wish some old Indian guy would show up at my door and say, "You must have some spiritual journey to get to the root of your evils." I would go to his kevia (sp?). He'd have me smoke something, after painting my face. I would get lost in the campfire smoke as some mysterious drum music plays in the background.The next thing I will know, my head is filled with images and suddenly it all becomes clear to me. It would be a great epiphany. Everything would be clear, and then my life changes. Why? At that moment, I know what I must do. Sadly, that damn Indian guy has yet to visit my door. Where the fuck is that old Indian guy? Sure, in many movies and TV shows, that jackass appears to everybody. Within their Hollywoodish lives, all their ills are wrapped up by the ending credits. Where is my neatly solved bundle of problems? Where are my ending credits? Hell, where is my damn sunset?

Hollywood, you suck ass! You and your lame ass writing ideas!