Optimism!!!

There are days I know exactly what to write. There are days I struggle, but eventually what needs to be said makes its way from my brain to the tips of my fingers...viola, some sort of blog. Today is one of those days I got nothing. NOTHING!!! Oh, there is plenty to bitch about... For example, a perfect waste of an afternoon...and being cut out of a very important conversation regarding a musical that I was instrumental into bringing into being! I could go on and on and on about that!!! I've never been so pissed off for a few seconds as I was this afternoon... Yeah, this afternoon was a big, fucking waste of my time. However, I wish not to write about such things... Lately, I've gotten the: "Joe, you are such a pessimist" line so frequently that if I got a nickel each time I heard it... I'd have a dollar. My retort was: "Optimists feel we live in the best of all worlds... Pessimists fear that this is true.. SO THERE!!!" Not a brilliant retort, but a retort nevertheless. But, yeah, maybe I've been in the realm of the negative lately. Therefore, I decided that maybe I should try to be more optimistic. This blog will be dedicated to optimistic thoughts.. not thoughts about a complete neglect of my instrumental role in a fucking musical, and a complete waste of an afternoon. Let's begin.

Optimistic thought 1: Flowers are nice. They can be colorful. They smell nice. They die when it snows.

Optimistic thought 2: The sun felt really nice on my face this afternoon. It was so bright... and cheerful. Sunshine makes me happy. It's night now. No more sun. DARK! VERY DARK!!!

Optimistic thought 3: People can be so kind. They can give complements. They can give helpful advice. They can be entertaining at lunch. They can talk behind your back making insinuations that aren't true, but dumbshits take them as fact.

Optimistic thought 4: I think tomorrow will be a great day... that is, until it begins, and the same shit starts all over again.

Optimistic thought 5: We will solve all our problems. It just takes some thought and hard work. Then the bombs will be dropped, and we don't have to think nor work again.

Optimistic thought 6: It is okay to make mistakes. We need to learn, and that is a way to learn. We need to learn from our mistakes. Mistakes also are a great way to fuck up days, especially in terms of money. Don't get into car accidents.

Optimistic thought 7: Love... isn't it grand? Not so grand after being squished by a grand piano. No more love. Then the person you love will move on and forget you even existed.

Optimistic thought 8: Giving. Isn't it better then receiving? It sure is! I love giving all my money to unappreciative individuals who feel very entitled to everything I have.

Optimistic thought 9: I appreciate the time I spend with friends. Then, you do something wrong, and one friend becomes an enemy because of one little mistake, and then they make your life miserable.

Optimistic thought 10: BEER IS GOOD!

Gee golly… those people are right! Being a pessimist is quite the drag. LONG LIVE OPTIMISM!

The Muppets

I don't know why, but suddenly "The Muppet Movie" came into my thoughts. It came out of nowhere... Something I hadn't given any thought too since I was a wee lad! How weird is that? I remember seeing it as a kid. I remember that the soundtrack was one of the first kid records I ever received as a child (that wasn’t a hand-me-down… I got this kid’s collection from my sisters… It contained my first and second favorite kid song ever – “Big John” and “The Battle of New Orleans”… ahhh memories!). I remember singing that damn record verbatim religiously over and over and over again... AND, I remember that my first record player was a piece of shit, and it skipped without me knowing it... and I was surprised when I got my new record player that "The Muppet Movie" soundtrack had more tid-bits on it and that really came as a surprise to me and I then realized that my first record player had been lying to me all those plays! That piece of shit had been holding back! So, why today, of all days, did "The Muppet Movie" just jump right in there?

Odd.... My mind is a very strange place. It scares me sometimes how my thoughts just keep wondering about and travel into places long since forgotten, like "The Muppet Movie." I saw it at the Ogden Six which is located on the corner of Naper Blvd. and Ogden Avenue. I remember the theater being quite crowded. I also remember how cool it was to see Kermit rowing a canoe in the swamp while singing "Rainbow Connection." "How did they do that?" I wondered. I was quite dazzled by seeing all the Muppets on screen. At one time I was a huge Muppet fan. Who wasn't? Actually, I am sure lots of people were not quite big fans and are not quite fans… Shame on you, people! THE MUPPETS ROCK!!! What really is quite fascinating about my reminiscence, is that 20 odd years later, I finally get the following joke. Big Bird was walking down the street. Fozzie Bear and Kermit stopped to pick him up. "Hey," they said to Big Bird. "We're going to Hollywood! Get in!" Big Bird says, "No! I'm going to New York! I want a career in public television!" FUNNY!!!!

Heh... almost crystal clear....

Yes, it's an odd place my mind. Very creepy, surreal, and downright scary. I wouldn't wish my thoughts on anyone. But, I tell you... It can be a damn fun time!

Other then that... My day rather sucked. I hate sucky days. Something odd happened today that I can't quite find a meaning in... Was it a sign? Or just one of those odd occurrences that cause us to foolishly ask ourselves if it was a sign, but really just a screwed up moment? I just don't know....but, I hope, whatever it was, it becomes clear soon. Quite frankly, I need to start doing something more with my life.... Casting fate to wind... casting fate to wind... "Someday we'll find it...that rainbow connection... the lovers...the dreamers... and me!"

Aufweidersehen!

I HATE BARNES AND KNOBLE!!!!

I hate Barnes and Knoble... every time I go in there, I literally just want to spit on their inventory. Yes, I know, their inventory can be quite impressive. And, the whole coffee shop thing is cher cool. But, they are fuckers. They are fuckers to the upmost degree. That company single handedly changed my life, simply because they are fuckers. F!U!C!K!E!R!S!

Let me explain... In a previous incarnation, I was a marketing man. In fact, I was an up-and-coming marketing man. After leaving the University of Illinois - Urbana/Champaign with an advertising Masters in hand, I found my dream job. I started working for a very non-conservative medical book wholesaler (it took me awhile to find that job, too!). The building was loaded with eccentrics and odd ball folks from all walks of life. It was a perfect place for the likes of me. I was in charge of marketing medical electronic references, to keep a long, boring drawn-out job description short. During my second year, the company bankrupted. I was quite upset about that loss. Another pratfall to say the least. Here I was, on my way in the world of executives, only to be on the street pounding pavement for other opportunities. I knew, at least in terms of marketing, there would never be another job like it. I would never work with people like that again. I knew there would never be another company (or anyplace, for that matter) that would be home to a very unconventional person like myself. Anyway, as I was instructed to do, I became a lien holder to the company. They owed me some pay in terms of vacation, etc. (I never did see what I was owed... fuckers!)... Therefore, I had access to the company's accounting records due to the Chapter 13 court process. I was "lucky" to be able to see who screwed us over. In the mail I received a document that listed who owed us what. We were a $100 million dollar company. This is an important point (and probably important to mention that it was also a $100 million dollar company run by idiots... The company's lack of management is a mute point in terms of my little rant here). I looked at the list at all our customers that failed to pay their bills. Our biggest debtor? Barnes and Knoble. How much did they owe? $23 million dollars!!!! Those motherfuckers never, ever, ever, never, ever paid their bills! EVER!!!!!!!!! They owed a quarter of our gross!!!! A QUARTER!!!!! THOSE BASTARDS!!! Because of their stupid ass, non-bill paying management, my life irrevocably changed! Needless to say, I hold a grudge. I hate that company. I HATE THEM!!!! Sadly, they are really the only book act in town, specifically for the books that I need for my line of work at a moment's notice. Like today, I had to go into that crappy ass store to pick up a modern English translation of Julius Caesar. It absolutely pains me to have to walk in there and give them my hard earned money knowing full well they will not pay their bill to whoever their distributor is! ERGGGGG!!!!!!!!! Waldenbooks (Borders) is not quite as big a dick as B&N… They only owed us $6 million… I do business with that company sometimes. Mostly, if I know in advance what I need, (hardly ever, sadly), I buy through Amazon.com. They didn't do business with us (even though we fought hard for their medical book fulfillment), therefore smart… and safe in my book.

I wonder what would it be like if those Barnes and Knoble bastards didn't, indirectly fuck me over. Would I be a very successful marketing executive? Would I be living somewhere in Chicago? Would I be in the upper management? I don't know. I try not to think about it, except on days where I have to enter B&N. On those days, like today, I try to think that that powers that be had a plan for me… That there is some reason I am here. There is a reason that my path has brought me to my current location… Then there are days, I have no such feelings and I wish I was elsewhere.

I just hope and pray that there is some sort of divine intervention or some sort of illumination to give me some sort of indication what the hell I am supposed to do next. Because quite frankly, I just don't know.

Earlier this year I said I am just going to cast my fate to the wind…I have one thing to say to that.... START BLOWING!!!!

End of rant.

Hmmm... I think it better not to go into Barnes and Knoble anymore... It stirs negative feelings.

Peace!

EARTHQUAKE

There was an earthquake here in Illinois... IT WAS AWESOME!!!!

ODD...

I need to update this... Check back tomorrow... Been busy with work.

The Good Old Days

SCHOOL -- 1957 vs. 2007

Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school,
pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun
rack.
1957 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's
shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show
Jack.
2007 - School goes into lock down, FBI called,
Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or
gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized
students and teachers.

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after
school.
1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark
shake hands and end up buddies.
2007 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests
Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both
expelled even though Johnny started it.

Scenario: Jeffrey won't be st ill in class, disrupts
other students.
1957 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good
paddling by the Principal. Returns to class, sits
still and does not disrupt class again.
2007 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin.
Becomes a zombie . Tested for ADD. School gets extra
money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car
and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1957 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up
normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful
businessman.
2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse.
Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. State
psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers
being abused herself and their dad goes to prison.
Billy's mom has affair with psychologist .

Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin
to school.
1957 - Mark shares aspirin with Principal out on
the smoking dock.
2007 - Police called, Mark expelled from school
for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and
weapons.

Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.
1957 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes
English, goes to college.
2007 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state.
Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that
teaching English as a requirement for graduation is
racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state
school system and Pedro's English teacher. English
banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma
anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because
he cannot speak English.

Scenario: Johnny takes apart left over firecrackers
from 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint
bottle, blows up a red ant bed.
1957 - Ants die.
2007 - BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called.
Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI
investigates parents, siblings removed from home,
computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror
watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess
and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his
teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1957 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and
goes on playing.
2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator
and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison.
Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.

I WANT NEW LOCATION!!!!

Time for some random thoughts....

1. Ummmm...... I ..... damn. Let’s move on.

2. The creative process is ..... ummmmm..... moving on yet again.

3. Nope, let’s move on still.

4. Have to keep moving. Have to keep moving. Have to keep moving.

5. It occurs to me that I ... damn!

6. It’s a pretty bad state of affairs that the only thing keeping me from going crazy is thought that.... double damn.

7. Sigh.

8. Not so random are these thoughts? I think I think them often enough to make them regular thoughts instead of random thoughts. I often wonder what it would be like to be somebody else for a bit. Not because my own existence .... what was I thinking?

9. Yawn.

10. Working on the musical really grates on me! Add the regular mess of thoughts I have daily, and then add on two to three hours of creative process thoughts as I try to help make something creative work and I can’t think of a thing other then, "I really need more sleep!" There is something I need to do, and for the life of me can’t remember what that was? Work related? Oh damn! What am I doing tomorrow!?!?!?

11. Time to take a mind symbatical and quit trying so hard on these things.

11a. I think I shall just stare at this thought for a moment.... I use the elipses to much. I should also work on my use of foul language, that being, not use it... I read an article a few years ago? Was it a few years ago that I read that article? Came off the Metra, so I was still at DePaul...grabbed the free "Red Eye"... there was the article... So, yeah, a couple years ago at least, and I still remember that!?!? And, I can’t remember the simple things? Anyway, the front page mentioned the growing use of foul langauge. These linguistic experts (not one of them Chomsky, so I wonder his thoughts on this) mentioned how the use of foul langage make, otherwise intelligent people, sound dumb. I recall thinking about that article. What is one supposed to do while waiting on an "L" platform? I didn’t agree with it at the time. I had this idea that a good cuss word is a great way to relieve stress. Little bits of stress, actually. Now, I am tending to agree. My use of foul language does make me sound like an idiot. Well, fuck.

12. Yeah, too hard thinking.... I really .... fishy taste in my mouth.... I did have chicken wings. Haven’t had good wings in awhile.

13. I think these things are done.

14. Take care of yourselves.

15. That’s the news, and I am outta here.

Heh...

Happy Birthday, Mom!

Miss Me?

I am not sure exactly why...

BUT, I think it is because if it doesn’t, then there could be chaos. If you don’t understand what I am talking about, I don’t blame you. Neither do I.... These past few sentences are merely a trick I use to get into a writing mode. I use this trick often to jump start a creative process. I don’t have any ideas...so, I need the jump start. Oh, I have wonderful ideas when I am NO WHERE NEAR THIS COMPUTER!!! Oh, the things I have written in my head would have dazzled you! Would have compelled you! Would have cause jubilation, mirth, merriment, and forced you to pee in your pants because they are soooo damn funny. When I have these thoughts, I laugh outloud and say, "I need to get that down! I need that idea out there! That joke is just too good!" After my daily adventure or mis-adventure (you know, it depends), I turn on the computer. I get excited... I open up the blog window... I sit at the computer (this should’ve come before the "blog window" part and after "turn on the computer part" ...fyi) and... well, nothing. No thoughts. No compulsion...no dazzlement...no jubilation...no mirth... no merriment... and I bet you don’t have to pee. Stumped... Ideas gone forever on some backwards road or living-room sofa. Nothing! Ideas vanished.... And, I sit staring at the blog window hoping for some of that inspiration... Instead, like for example, like right now, I hear a car alarm going off below and think, "That is a really loud sound. I hope it isn’t my car going off like that." Worth mentioning? Is that funny? Is that even a bit interesting? No... It isn’t going to be written down. Well... you know... It isn’t worth mentioning... okay, so I mentioned it. Big deal! You caught me. I was trying to be clever.. .yeah...yeah... not clever. I know... I know... But, that’s the point of all these words written in no apparent order or written for understanding... I am not clever... anymore... GONE! Out the window! I now need to use clever writing devices so I can get words out in a blog that happens to be this long now. I have come to the point where I need jump starts to express myself. It never used to be like this. Prior to the last few weeks, I could come up with things off the cuff...without any moments hesitation. It becomes April, and I am a creative zombie. "Killlll jjjjoooyyyyy!" I say in a zombie like voice. "Killllll jjjjooooyyyyyy!"" and, then I might say, "brains!" However, I am not sure how that would work into all of this non-creative mess. "Brains!" doesn’t work, other then, to stress the point that I have turned, or my brain has turned, into a zombie like artifice that isn’t creative nor clever. It’s a tangled mess from a mind that has recently started to fail me. I guess I am in need of a new brain. I need a fresh, crisp, new brain. I need one that won’t forget the great diatribes I have in my car. OR, maybe I should start writing in my car... the place where I have most of my revelations. My car... a Chevy Malibu that I inherited from my grandfather when he couldn’t drive it anymore. Yes, the Joemobile... a dirty mess that needs a good cleaning. Living in an apartment really prevents that. I need a hose... a very large, industrial vacuum... a cord for said vacuum, and time. Then, maybe I can find said car and have even better moments of brain related greatness! Oh chariot, my car! I’ve lived in you for hours and hours thus far! I think in your seat...which is very neat... How I love thee, Chevy! Gray mess...needs oil.

Anyway, I think I shall go out... Pretty upset that today’s excitement was buying that bag of gummy candy. Sad... so sad.