Let's Wisconsin!!!

It’s not very late… It doesn’t even look late. Late enough as it is, but not very late. Soon the longest day of the year will be here… Summer Solstice… And, then I can start my pagan rituals.

I have nothing particular to write about. In fact, I wasted everything I had on that little whacked out story about Oyster Boy and Cauliflower. I was actually pretty delighted to write it whether or not one found it as amusing as I did. My sense of humor is quite, I think, indefinable. I don’t know where it comes from nor do I really care. I just know it is heavily influenced by all sorts of sources. To crank out that little tid-bit in that little while that I did, well, I was happy. On the fly writing… I sat down. I did it. It’s been awhile since I did anything in a story form like that, especially on the fly. Back in the day, I could do that instantly… it started with a gem called, “The Little Engine that Couldn’t Because Damnit, It Just Wasn’t Good Enough.” Sadly, the title was the actual joke, and I am sure, based on the title, you know how the story ended. The Little Engine exploded destroying all the Christmas toys….Yeah, it was a happy Christmas story. Very happy. (Laugh out loud!). But, most of my stories were like that. I just needed some idea that I found particularly amusing, and then the rest just came out. I don’t think many of my stories were any good, which is why many haven’t seen the light of day. I do or did have a binder full of the good ones. Other than that, many of the stories I had written remained bits and pieces in some form of electronic medium. Mostly in Lotus WordPro….my father worked for IBM. That’s what they used. I got it free. Word, back in the day, wasn’t as complex as WordPro. At least, at the time, I was using the best. WordPro, I believe, is no more. Therefore, all those stories, are gone. Simply gone. Most of them were also, well, cynical in nature. I think that’s because my creativity, unfortunately, comes from that part of my personality. I can’t do serious. I can never do serious… And, the serious stuff I write, well, it’s first person, about me, and I sound like a whiner. I do the best I can to avoid that …. We all have our problems. My problems are nothing new, nor are they extraordinarily interesting. People can easily dismiss my problems with the old axiom: “That’s Life!” And, indeed it is… indeed it is (Just as an FYI, I am an award winning author… not published, but award winning. I submitted one of my stories to a contest, and took first prize… $100!).

So, because I have nothing really pertinent, nor actually humorous to write… I decided, in this lateness, not quite Summer Solstice evening, to play my little game…. RANDOM THOGHTS!!!! (Random Thoughts is my stream-of-consciousness game where I write down anywhere from 10-20 thoughts that just come to me as I try to write… Ready?).

1. Don’t bother using a map to troll around Wisconsin. My architect friend, who often does work up here in the North North, told me that the highway folks have a tendency to rename streets just like that, and neglect to tell anybody. He has had experience dealing with this nonsense, and knows the state better then I simply by getting lost do to some fraudulent map. I don’t dispute this, as those same tricky road folks have done the same with the street that lies across from my drive. Two years ago it was called “Klima”… a Czech name (GO CZECHS!!!). Now, it is a not so Czech named spelled “Klema.” Why it was changed, I don’t know… other than, the “I” was needed to rename a county road somewhere… and there are possibly an over abundance of “E’s” just sitting around waiting to be used.

2. What the heck is that squirrel doing? What is with all that racket? It’s late! Just as an FYI, the squirrels here don’t have bushy tails. Again, I can’t explain it. Perhaps it has something to do with food or lack thereof. I think, though, they just don’t want to be like those Illinois squirrels. Wisconsin just wants to be different.

3. Can anybody explain to me why somebody put, in a frame mind you, a map of Wisconsin that lists the number of tornados by county between the years 1884-1998? You know this is going to change… The road folk change the Wisconsin map all the time and never bother to tell anybody! And, quite frankly, I have no idea how to use this information. I guess I now know how much it must’ve sucked in each county between those years. Ridiculous if you ask me… Don’t we have other form of “art” we could put there? A cow picture perhaps? Maybe a picture of somebody not catching a fish?

4. I haven’t fished since I was a youngster. I never understood it. I found myself bored. I understand why Steven Wright said, “There’s a fine line between fishing, and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.”

5. What the fuck is up with the squirrels around here!?!?!?

6. I like to use swear words in my writing. I don’t know why. I don’t think I swear that much speaking, but in writing, I have to throw one in or two or three or four or five…six…seven…eight…nine…ten…. I guess I just get a kick out of seeing them in print, and they came from my hands to the keyboard to boot! I think swearing, however, is a wonderful form of speech communication. Oh, there was a car horn. I will have to assume it’s a deer warning. Must be a deer nearby. Oh dear!

7. I guess, you can tell from my ramblings, that I am fucking bored to tears, at present. There is only so much reading one can do…. I needed to stop. It numbed me.

8. I will not chop anymore wood… I will not chop anymore wood… I will not chop anymore wood. I will, however, spend the remaining couple of days doing NOTHING! I need to head to Chicago for Relay For Life.

9. Shouldn’t there be something eating those damn squirrels? Jesus!

10. “It’s Dark” … A Poem by Me.

It’s Dark.

It’s not light.

There are squirrels running around in delight.

The moon will be up high.

Up in the sky.

No stars I shall see…

The moonlight is to bright, really!

The woods will be ablaze…

With sounds that would amaze.

Not during the day…

No animals I see, I should say.

But, they come to play now…

As the darkness blankets around.

It’s Dark.

11. Okay, THAT noise wasn’t a squirrel.

12. I once had this button that read… “Wisconsin: Land of over 10,000 Lakes, Rivers, Streams. 1234334343 Mosquitoes. 2343234343 Flys. 9 Fish.”

13. I haven’t had a good random thought in like… 5 minutes. Hang on.

14. I think it’s time to put an end to “Random Thoughts” as they aren’t coming on anymore. I could mention another squirrel reference I suppose, but won’t. Only so much could be said about squirrels. They, in fact, are not so interesting. They are very annoying, especially when I wish to write random thoughts. But, they have rather calmed down. I guess they fear the owl, who hasn’t made his/her presence known yet. Soon, I think. Soon.

15. Have I mentioned that mice are fucking bastards???

Prost!!!