NO!?!?!? IT CAN'T BE!?!?!?!?

Ahhh... I just couldn't stay away from this concept. For some reason I found it funny in very odd way and chuckled immensely the first time I tried it out. On my journey through Illinois this evening, I couldn't help but think of them again... and this little "gem" popped out between Bloomington and Joliet. I quickly wrote it down so I wouldn't forget. Not sure if it works, but I still chuckled. I hope you do too.

Another irreverent tale from an irreverent mind:

The Further Melancholy Adventures of Oyster Boy and Cauliflower

Further Adventure 1:

Oyster Boy has the head of an Oyster, and he's a boy. Cauliflower, on the other hand, is a stalk of cauliflower. They are friends.

One day, at Oyster Boy's house, he and Cauliflower were watching TV. Cauliflower suddenly spoke.

"Hey, Oyster Boy. You smell like dead fish."

"That stands to reason," said Oyster Boy. "I have a fish for a head."

"An oyster is a mollusk," said Cauliflower. "Not a fish."

IUYJHGK (ß typed by a kitten. I guess she wants to help – author)

"Oh," said Oyster Boy.

"Not only do you smell like fish," said Cauliflower, "but, you're stupid, too."

Further Adventure 2:

"I want to be a hobo!" exclaimed Oyster Boy over a nice hot bowl of soup. It was tomato.

"You're already a Bozo!" said Cauliflower.

"No, I said 'ho-bo,'" corrected Oyster Boy.

"I know what you said," snapped Cauliflower.

Oyster Boy looked thoughtful as he spooned up some tomato soup. Then he said, "Yup! I can have a pouch attached to a stick, too!" Tomato soup spewed from his mouth as he spoke the words.

"Hobos," began Cauliflower, "know how to swallow soup before speaking."

"How do you know so much about hobos?" asked Oyster Boy.

"Because…." Cauliflower fell asleep before finishing his thought.

Oyster Boy looked at his friend. "I guess he reads."

Further Adventure 3:

The stockyard was dirty, but it was loaded with non-moving trains and non-moving train cars.

"I can't wait to climb into one of those empty train cars with my pouch attached to a stick," said Oyster Boy standing in the middle of the stockyard with a pouch attached to a stick.

"What is in that pouch attached to a stick?" asked Cauliflower.

"NOTHING!!!" yelled Oyster Boy happily.

Cauliflower just stood and stared at Oyster Boy.

"Isn't that great?" asked Oyster Boy.

"What about your supplies?" calmly asked Cauliflower.

Oyster Boy quickly quipped. "The supplies is simply being here with this pouch, stick, and you, my friend! I never thought I would do such a thing!"

"Not 'surprise' you idiot!" said Cauliflower. "S-U-P-P-L-I-E-S."

"I am not familiar with the term," said Oyster Boy.

Further Adventure 4:

Oyster Boy sat in the back of one of the empty stock cars ready to begin his life as a hobo. His pouch and stick were next to him. Cauliflower stayed outside.

"Should this car be attached to a train engine?" asked Cauliflower as he looked from the single, lone stock car located at the complete back end of the stockyard, to everything else that seemed attached to something. Something were actually moving.

"It's about faith!" said Oyster Boy.

"Shouldn't you be attached to something?" asked Cauliflower. "Something preferably moving?"

"Faith!" exclaimed Oyster Boy.

Cauliflower left Oyster Boy to go home. He wanted to watch television in a very dark room for a very long time. Oyster Boy remained tucked away in his train car as excited as an Oyster Boy could possibly be about being a hobo not moving… not moving for a very long time.

Further Adventure 5:

"You're friend is very lucky to be alive," said the Doctor. "He could've died in that stock car!"

Cauliflower watched the television in Oyster Boy's hospital room. "Huh?"

"You're friend. He was almost dead when they found him. He almost died."

"He didn't have any supplies," said Cauliflower. "He was unfamiliar with the term."

"You knew he was there!?!?!?" asked the doctor.

"If you don't mind, Doctor, I am watching television," said Cauliflower.

From his hospital bed Oyster Boy came too briefly and muttered something. It sounded like "faith." Oyster Boy went into a coma.

"Nobody likes him," said Cauliflower matter-of-factly. "Especially now since he is a hobo."

Further Adventure 6:

Cauliflower was watching television when Oyster Boy awoke from his comma.

"Have you been here the whole time?" asked Oyster Boy. It sounded muffled because Oyster Boy had just awoken from being in a comma.

"No," said Cauliflower. "I haven't been here since Tuesday. AND, that was last year."

"Oh," said Oyster Boy. The two of them continued to watch television together.

Linus Van Pelt, in that one Christmas Cartoon said: "And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, 'Fear not: for behold, I bring unto you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the City of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.' And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God, and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.'"

"I agree," said Cauliflower, "with that Charlie Brown."

"About?" asked Oyster Boy.

"That Christmas is too commercial, and it is run by some syndicate. It's all about money. How about you?" asked Cauliflower.

"I'm Jewish," said Oyster Boy.

"Then you won't mind watching this next one," said Cauliflower. They watched a Christmas cartoon where some guy made a clock to save Christmas because some mouse insulted Santa. The clock, however, went kerplop…. Kerplooie.

Further Adventure 7:

"Thank you for taking me to Red Lobster after picking me up from the hospital," said Oyster Boy.

"I like the salad," said Cauliflower.

They stood waiting for the next available table at Red Lobster. A man was looking at a tank full of lobsters. "I think I will take…." He said as he scratched his chin. "Ummmm…." The attendant was getting impatient. The man turned around and saw Oyster Boy.

"I will eat him!" said the man as he pointed at Oyster Boy. The attendant grabbed Oyster Boy and dragged him to the kitchen. Cauliflower went with the man to his table and sat down. Soon Oyster Boy arrived fully cooked in a nice white sauce made with wine. Both the man and Cauliflower enjoyed Oyster Boy. "That was wonderful," said the man.

"Indeed," said Cauliflower. "He needed vegetables though."

"You're right!!!" said the man. He then ate Cauliflower.

The End?