The damn thing swells...

I am still really miffed at the my stupid act of jamming my finger on a door jam. It could've been prevented, but I had to be funny. I just had to be. If I had been just a few inches to the right, I wouldn't be watching my finger swell and change colors. The price one has to pay go that extra mile for a smile. And, I say to myself, "Is it worth it?" Of course, humor is my escape. I try to find something fun to smile at everyday. If not, I would probably be crying in that Joe way.

So, to amuse myself today, I wondered if I still had my SLIderness. Can I still fuck around with halogen bulbs like I did when I was younger? That is, can my sheer presence cause a halogen bulb to either ignite or blow? I haven't noticed lately. In college, I would cause street lights to turn off just by walking under them. I haven't been much in the dark lately. Has my bizarre super power disappeared? It isn't that I really miss it. I don't think the ability to play around with electric fields just by my mere presence is one to write home about; or here, for that matter. Today, I started to think about that power. I've noticed that my power comes when I am in some emotional crisis, like the one I happen to be in now. Though I am pretty clear on what must be done, I still have this... this inner feeling that plagues me. I was out tonight. I wasn't much in the mood, really. I wanted to wallow. I told somebody this week that I reserve the right to wallow before I come back fighting. This week, I wanted to take my wallow break before I got down and dirty...before I got down to business with a complete life makeover. I am positive there just might be a change in my future. I soooo want a new adventure. Anyway, I didn't wallow. I decided to slum it and have crap beer for a change in some crap bar (I saw Jesus there! Yes, folks! I found Jesus! He was in Floyd's the entire time! AND, he likes 80s music! And, he likes to surround himself with hippie girls! Who knew?). I know... I know... "Joe! You drinking crap beer?" Miller Lite, yeah it sucks. So does Bud Light. But... my fridge is making weird noises again..... Anyway, ... what was I writing? Oh, But, I only had a few sparse dollars in my pocket (spending freeze... damn you holidays! DAMN YOU!) forcing a dabble in the the world of water tinted crap brown. I didn't like it, but one must do what one must do. I go out to do bad things to my lungs, and I notice a low lit halogen bulb flickering down some alley. "Joe," I said to myself, "Let's just go over to see if I can get that thing to ignite!" Yes, I sometimes talk to myself. Believe me, in my profession, my talking to myself can be one of the best conversations I have all day! I walk over, and I stand there underneath taking minute by minute off my old age away. Sure enough, that light began to shine like the sun. I walk away, and it died. I walk up to it, and it ignited! I walked away, and it died (it wasn't that instantaneous. I don't have instant powers). "Woo hoo! I still have my absolutely useless superpower!" And, because I wasn't in the right mood to be overly social, I excused myself several times just to play with that damn light. My last time, I just stood under it merely to see what would happen. It lighted and it got brighter... and brighter... and brighter... until... *POOF!!!" It died! I was extremely amused! "Jesus!" I exclaimed in my inward voice, "How fucked up is that?!?!?" And then Jesus came from inside the bar, I guess a little done with his 80s music and hippie girls, and said, "Yeah, that totally is!"

Thanks, Jesus.