Bob the Dark Lord Opens a Toy Store: Part III
Chapter 10
Malignant Tumor
“Watch your step,” Bob the Dark Lord said as he helped Robert the Light Lord maneuver the passages through his Dark Fortress of Evil.
“It rather dark in here,” said Roberta.
“Yes,” said Bob. “I don’t have windows.”
“No windows?” Roberta asked surprised. “Why not?”
“I find no need,” answered Bob matter-of-factly.
“No need? Everybody has need,” retorted Roberta. “The sun makes people happy! It’s good!”
“I never really thought about it before,” said Bob. Taking the moment to impress his guest, “for you, Miss Light Lord, I shall have some installed immediately.”
As they entered the grand ballroom lit merely with candles, Bob the Dark Lord eyed Volcano Creature stomping on some kittens in the corner. To really impress Roberta he called out to Volcano Creature. “Servant!”
Volcano Creature ignored him naturally. Volcano Creature was no servant to anybody. Again Bob called, “Servant! I said SERVANT!”
Volcano Creature jumped and stared at Bob. “Huh, Wha? Me?”
“Yes, Servant. Add windows to this fortress!”
“Really, you don’t have to do this, Mr. Robert the Dark Lord,” said Roberta.
To Roberta Bob said, “For you, dear, anything!!” To Volcano Creature, Bob said, “Now go, Servant!”
“Bob the Dark Lord? Are you nuts? What the hell for?” Volcano Creature looked annoyed as a kitten he missed managed to bolt towards a hole in the wall.
“Don’t question your master!” yelled Bob the Dark Lord. “I am evil!”
“Master? You?” Volcano Creature started to sneer. Then, Volcano Creature spied Roberta. “Oh, for damn sake!” he thought to himself. “Not her!”
“We need windows. It’s too dark in here,” said Bob.
“I can tell you where to put your windows,” sneered Volcano Creature.
“I will vaporize you! Now go!” demanded Bob.
Volcano Creature sauntered toward the entrance to the ballroom trying not to catch the eye of Roberta. He suddenly recalled that one time when they had met before that he didn’t like to talk about. It was when she … well, he doesn’t want to remember it either. As Volcano Creature left, he murmured over to Bob. “We are going to have a chat later.”
“I know him,” said Roberta after Volcano Creature left.
“I don’t think you do,” said Bob the Dark Lord trying to dodge the subject. He didn’t want her to think negative thoughts about him or the company he kept. “He does get that a lot, but he’s been my servant for years.”
“I see,” said Roberta. She looked as if she didn’t believe Bob.
“In here,” said Bob. “I would like to show you something.”
Bob and Roberta entered the throne room to be greeted by a massive amount of fish tanks.
“Oh my! You have a lot of fish!”
“Yes,” said Bob. “They are my minions!”
“Minnows?” asked Roberta the Light Lord.
“Minions,” corrected Bob. “They are my Fish Army. I tend to rule the seas and then eventually the world.”
“Of course you do,” said Roberta looking over at a tank of guppies. “They look like a mighty army.”
“Well, I hope so. I let some loose the other day. They haven’t really reported back,” said Bob.
“What are those over there,” asked Roberta.
“Those are called Angel Fish. I like the irony of their name. They are evil.”
“Of course they are,” said Roberta the Light Lord.
“Downstairs in the dungeon I have several freezers full of fish I caught myself,” said Bob.
“Oh?” asked Roberta.
“They are my generals.”
“Generals? In the freezer?”
“Why yes! I was told by the individual at the fishing equipment store that once you catch the fish, you must cut the head off, gut it, and freeze them until you intended to use them.”
“I see,” said Roberta with a chuckle. “And, how affective are they without heads?”
“I haven’t needed them yet,” said Bob the Dark Lord. “I was testing the army with a few others first. You know, the ones I let go.”
“Heh,” said Roberta. “And, you train these fish.”
“I do! I train them to be evil!”
“Of course you do,” said Roberta the Light Lord.
“Would you like some tea,” asked Bob. “I have black tea!”
“No, I really must be going,” said Roberta. “You do have some nice fish…I mean, er, you have a good looking army of fish.”
“Thank you,” said Bob the Dark Lord. “I do my best with them.”
“Of course you do,” said Roberta.
Chapter 11
Herpes
“I don’t like your tone,” Bob the Dark Lord said as he sulked on his throne.
“Bringing that…that do-gooder into your inner sanctum!”
“Roberta is beautiful,” said Bob sadly.
“SHE’S GOOD!”
“I wish to get to know her” Bob said depressed like.
“BOB! YOU’RE EVIL!” screamed Volcano Creature. “SHE’S GOOD! YOU SEE NO PROBLEM WITH THAT!?!?”
“Sigh,” Bob said gloomily. “She was unimpressed with the fish army.”
“So,” Volcano Creature replied. “What does that have anything to do with anything?”
“She didn’t notice me.”
“Okay?” Volcano Creature said.
“Sigh,” said Bob depressed like again. “How do I get her to notice me? How do I get her to notice how evil I am?”
“Kill her!” said Volcano Creature.
“Volcano Creature, be serious.”
“I didn’t think I was being anything but,” said Volcano Creature.
“What do I need to do to get her to notice me?”
“Bob the Dark Lord, you’re scaring me here.”
“There has to be some way!”
“Bob, it wouldn’t work. She’s good. You’re evil. She protects the world. You want to rule it.”
“Help me here!” pleaded Bob.
“I am! She’s… She’s not the right girl, Bob the Dark Lord!”
“Maybe I should do something else besides trying to rule the oceans,” said Bob as he started to slope into his throne.
“Bob, Roberta…She’s… GOOD!”
“She’s beautiful!” whined Bob the Dark Lord.
“So is would a giant crater where Tripod used to be!” yelled Volcano Creature. “Bob the Dark Lord, snap out of this!”
“I must find another way to dominate the world. Then she’ll notice me!”
Volcano Creature just stared at Bob in bewilderment.
“She’s beautiful,” Bob said again as he began to further regress into his throne.
“I can’t take this,” Volcano Creature said aloud. With that, he left the throne room.
posted by "Just" Joe at 12:39 AM
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