HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!

I sound...

like a grouch, don't I? That's fucking awesome!!!! There is nothing like sounding like an old curmudgeon. .... It's another one of my great talents!!!!

I was going to post a Halloween picture here... the one I've received a thousand times already. I can't find it.... I guess I've seen it so many times, I deleted it ( <---- sounding curmudgeonly again! Ain't that cool!!!! Grump!).

Anyway, HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!

WILL THE INSANITY EVER END!?!?!?!

I don't know about all of you, but I sure could use some sort of mind-altering sort of drug. At one time it was beer. Oh, how I loved beer. Genetics ... GENETICS of all things took that away from me! Fuck you, genetics! I was hoping that at one time a twelve step would take beer away from me, but that dream was destroyed... Destroyed by genetics. How in the hell?

It's just been one thing after another thing after another thing after another thing.... I need a beer.

I really need a good beer. We're talking beer that reaches beyond the sane beer level of alcohol. We're not talking about that bullshit 5% mainstream level... We are talking about about the insane +10% yummy stuff that only the daring, such as myself, love(ed) to drink. It's insane! INSANE!

There is so much more I can say here. I can go on and on forever about how I want to sneer at all the things people say to me... "It's for the best!" they say along with other platitudes people say when they can't think of anything to say. I hate platitudes. "Be positive!" they also say. Be positive? BE POSITIVE?!?!?!?! Okay, folks, when your car gets wrecked or you lose your job, I will be sure to say to you, "BE POSITIVE!" Yeah... then you'll see what a bullshit platitude that is! I am rather done doing that sneering bit. Instead, today, I just want to discuss.... ummmm.... I have nothing on my mind.

I do enjoy walking and I hope to turn this walking stuff into something of a hobby by actually going true blue hiking. That's right! Appalachian Trail, here I come! I have also decided that ummmmm.... There... ummmm.... shit, I lost my train of nonsense.

I have to find more ways to leave town, especially in the winter months. There has got to be some things to do during the winter time that will allow me to leave town.

Yeah, this blog thing ain't happening. I think I've been alone way to much today and that has put me in a funkish thought process. There are other things that have put me in a foul mood... like this shit I am reading.... I wish I could go into details about the shit I've been reading, but the thought depresses me. Just know that we are doomed.... Well, at least, in my present location... the people around me are doomed. I have the proof right in front of me. It's a sad, sad, state of affairs.... I don't even know what to do about it or figure out where to begin fixing it. Shit! There are problems, folks. There are some severe problems.

I go now. I have to finish depressing myself further with the task at hand. Pray for me and for the future of our civilization.

Happy Halloween week.

Insane Part 4...

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH $5.00 WATCHES!!!!

Insane Part 3...

I mean it. I can't believe I haven't fallen asleep yet..... on the couch... with the TV on...

I've slept on the couch all week... I awake 2 hours before my alarm rings. Then, I walk to my bed.

It's been happening around 10pm... about 30 minutes after my walk.

I am still awake.

Awake....

Not sleeping at all....

Insane Part 2...

Oh, I see you thinking over there. You're thinking, "Joe's lost it!"

I have not!

I haven't lost it at all!

NO! NO! NO! NO!

I am a Timex watch! I take a licking and keep on ticking (I once had this great Timex watch that I bought at Wal-Mart for $5.00.... I have this thing about wearing $5.00 watches... WAIT!!! I had at thing regarding the purchase and wearing of $5.00 watches. I moved up to $50.00 watches. Anyway, I bought a $5.00 Timex, one of many watches in my need and want to only wear $5.00 watches. It was this green, guady thing. BUT, OH, was it a thing of wonder... Damn the adventures that watch and I had. AND, it only lost a few seconds every so often when I accidently pounded it into a wall or something. I often wonder what happened to that $5.00 watch... It was sooo many $5.00 watches ago... and a couple $50.00 watches. I know I didn't throw it away. Unlike others in that collection of $5.00, it didn't break. In fact, I have no idea why I ever took it off. I guess I had to have this other $5.00 watch. That other $5.00 watch broke, I bet. This Timex actually live up to that ticking licking thing... It was only $5.00 dollars!!!! Where ever you are, Timex Watch... I miss you!!! tick... tick... tick... tick.... I also had a Casio $5.00 watch. It was black. It wasn't that god awful green that super Timex watch was... That Casio slipped off my wrist when the buckle broke and ended up in a garbage disposal. I was working for the University of Illinois Dining Services at the time. I served punch the other day. I think my time in food service trained me well, because I can serve punch like nobody's business. I can serve punch wearing any type of time piece. I am that fucking good. ... I didn't use a $5.00 ladle. That thing was silver. $5.00 watches are really all the time piece price we should have to pay. Why do we, as a culture, need to have time pieces that cost beyond $5.00? All we need is a Timex. Seriously. And the Timex will continue to work forever, that is, until we decided to take it off for no other apparent reason, other then we have to have that Black Casio $5.oo watch. It's just silly. Time telling... Portable Time telling should be cheap! Those calculator watches were stupid)! Sure, I may lose some seconds here and there, but damnit I continue to work!!!! ALWAYS.

Call me "Timex" Joe.... Actually, don't. That's just stupid.

The Inner Ramblings of the Insane!!!

You don't want to know my inner thoughts at present. Guess what!?!?! I ain't sharing!!! SO THERE!

The season is changing. It's suddenly dark. I hate that. Anyway, work has sucked. I haven't been getting home until 6:30 to 7:00 most nights... AND, I get nothing accomplished. Sigh.

Because I am rather crabby, I won't bore you with my inner ramblings generated in my insane mind. Instead, I present something that was sent to me that may or may not provide some entertainment.

IRISH BEER TROUBLESHOOTING GUIDE SYMPTOM CAUSE CORRECTIVE ACTION Feet cold and wet Glass Being held at incorrect angle. Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling Feet warm and wet Improper Bladder Control Stand next to nearest dog, complain about lack of house training Beer unusually pale and tasteless a. Glass empty. b. You're holding a Coors Lite Get someone to buy you another beer Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights You have fallen over backward. Have yourself leashed to bar Mouth contains cigarette butts, back of head covered with ashes You have fallen forward See above Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet a. Mouth not open b. Glass applied to wrong part of face Retire to restroom, practice in mirror Floor Blurred You are looking through bottom of empty glass Get someone to buy you another beer Floor moving You are being carried out Find out if you are being taken to another bar Room seems unusually dark Bar has closed Confirm home address with bartender. If staff is gone, grab a six-pack to go and hit the nearest fire escape door. Run Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations Cover mouth, open window, stick head outside Everyone looks up to you and smiles You are dancing on the table Fall on someone cushy-looking Beer is crystal-clear It's water! Somebody is trying to sober you up Punch him People are standing around urinals, talking or putting on makeup You're in the ladies' room Do not use urinal! Excuse yourself, exit and try the next door down the hall. Try to get phone numbers (optional) Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear You have been in a fight Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in You've wandered into the wrong party See if they have free beer Your bedroom is painted gray, has a concrete floor and an interesting steel door. Toilet may be conveniently located next to your bunk a. You're in jail b. You're in the navy Sleep it off, you can always get out tomorrow. Don't talk to your new roommate, and under no circumstances sleep on your stomach You are dancing to a Village People song, and your partner is wearing leather chaps You're in a gay bar Keeping your back to the wall, edge toward nearest exit. Do not accept offers for backrubs Your singing sounds distorted The beer is too weak Have more beer until your voice improves Don't remember the words to the song Beer

Here are the lyrics to OVERKILL by Men-at-Work.... The lyrics are resonating with me lately.

I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications

Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know will be alright
Perahaps it's just my imagination

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat, shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away

Alone between the sheets
Only brings exasperation
It's time to walk the streets
Smell the desperation

At least there's pretty lights
And though there's little variation
It nullifies the night
From overkill

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat, shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away

I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications

Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know will be alright
It's just overkill

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat, shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away

WHAT??? You don't care what lyrics are striking a chord with me lately??? Well, then... ... ummm.... I really can't help you. Go someplace else, for christsake. I can only do so much. I can only say so much. Listen here... Do you know how hard it is to just generate one once of creativity living the bullshit life I have been leading lately??? It's hard!!! I have to do this... that... this... that... that again... then more of this... after doing that... and over here I have to do that! I have been falling asleep on the couch lately... the moment I sit on it. I can't believe I am still awake. I can't believe I am even writing this! So, yeah,... creativity. Read the damn lyrics and have fun with the fucking joke thing! Yeah... So ... THERE!!!!

Have a nice day!!! :)

FALL NATURE SCENES!!!

It's always nice to reflect in nature. I did that last weekend. Here are some images of the Black River. This was my "non-exploration" day... Sadly, I didn't bring my camera on "exploration" day, because... well... I scampered over rocks and things. You'll have to deal with these.

SIGH!

My writing has gone to shit. FUCK!

OH DEER!!!

I actually walked with a friend this evening. Every once in awhile, I shed my independent ways to ... I dunno... talk, I guess? Anyway, we discussed literature, and specifically the meanings behind the book "TORTILLA CURTAIN" .... I really enjoyed that discussion. It's not often that I get to stretch my brain cells in a good old fashioned intellectual conversation. I've been reading a little bit more then usual, because I want to learn more. Often I don't get the chance to talk about the things I read or discovered on my intellectual journeys of the mind. The discussion tonight focused on TORTILLA CURTAIN and it's unmistakable similarity to "GRAPES OF WRATH" by John Steinbeck. I am a HUGE fan of John Steinbeck. If I were to choose an American writer as my fave, Steinbeck would be the the guy (factoid: I drive around with a stuffed moose I bought in Canada and named him Charley after the dog in Steinbeck's "Travels with Charley." It is so I can have my own travels with... well... "Charley"). Tonight was a really great study of Steinbeck and his influence on "TORTILLA CURTAIN." I believe we left no stone unturned in both texts for their meanings and metaphors, which included a comparison and contrast of the narratives. You have no idea how invigorated I felt afterwards. It was the perfect activity of the moment. I learned loads... LOADS. Thanks, Friend!

I am sure you aren't really overaly concerned with my rants and raves and ideas surrounding the book "Tortilla Curtain" ... I can only say this. The book is very Steinbeckian in the sense that the morality of the text... the meaning behind the story... is... gray. FANTASTIC!

I am not a black and white thinker. I live, always in the gray area. I think that's why I've loved Steinbeck from the very first book I read by him called the "RED PONY." It's sad the pony died in the second chapter. Steinbeck is a writer that deals with the gray, and attacks the issues with a very good sense of objectivity. This objectivity makes his characters seem more real to me. It is if he's allowing his characters to speak their own words and do their own actions... Does that makes snese? Well, it does to me. And the fact that his morality deals with the gray, that angle really... really gets my brain cells working and often provides one hell of a good think. This is very much my own opinion on the matter, and I don't really care to debate you lit scholars reading my archaic reading of Steinbeck. So, please, don't correct me. I don't care what you think. AND, I hate Ann Rand's objectivist theory... fucking, self-centered mother fuckers! "Atlas Shrugged? What the fuck was that bullshit? "The Fountainhead" was good though. That's all I will give you.


Time for bed.

Later

I AM THE DEER KING!!!

BOW TO ME ALL YOU UNGULATES! FOR I AM YOUR MASTER!!! BOW!!!

Seriously... I think... Well, since I've begun walking, every time I go to a new place, I encounter a deer that crosses my path. One time, common... Twice, kinda neat... 9 out of 10 times? Yeah, that's fucked up. I am thinking there is some type of message here. I believe I am the fabled DEER KING you've never read about in any literature what-so-ever.

Sniff... Sniff

Alas, another season gone... See ya, old friend... in a few months! We'll have a good time then! You'll know we'll have a good time then!

Fish Pills...

It's been found that fish oil pills are some super natural thingy that does all bunch of things.

Fish oil fights cancer.

Fish oil helps the heart.

Fish oil makes people happy.

Fish oil helps with joint mobility.

I take four of these damn pills a day.... I'm not exactly all that thrilled... and my joints hurt.

Damnit! You have no idea how stiff I am... AND, I know when I wake up I will make one of those old people "GADS!" type sounds.

AND, every so often I taste the damn things.... it's like a fish dinner everyday...

They better start working their magic now... or.... or... OR... awww nuts.

OH BOY!!!! I CAN HARDLY WAIT!!! (Caution: Emotion driven rant ahead!)

Whiner boy says:

I open my in-box and there is always one of these horoscopes. I can't remember which site I stupidly gave my e-mail too... Anyhoo, I decide and read it today for no other reason but sheer boredom... AND, it says....

Thursday, Oct 9th, 2008 -- Today you may get a glimpse of the intense times that lay ahead for you. This little "fast forward" can be instrumental as you try to figure out what you want to do next. But don't try to make any important decisions yet, for you haven't had sufficient time to explore the different paths. Instead, remain open to wherever you are led; you'll have time later to make a more educated choice.

Oh boy! Intense times ahead!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK WERE THE LAST FEW WEEKS!?!?!?

SHIT!

It says that I need to basically weather the damn storm before I make some "educated" choice about "the path." I guess today's peruse through the Help Wanted Ads was jumping the gun a bit. Intense times ahead.... intense times ahead.... DAMN!

What IS the right path? Did you know, ladies and gentlemen, that two days after I was let loose from the hospital this past summer I was called by a new place of possible work for an interview that would have brought me back North had I won the position...and into a place that would have been SWEET? I remember thinking, "Well, fuck! This... THIS is inconvenient." I wasn't ready, to say the least, in taking this interview. I said to myself, "What do I do? What do I do?" Eventually, she e-mailed me (the employer) asking if I had already accepted a position. I told her yes... She asked why. I said, "I started a few things that I wanted to see produce fruit before I left them..." or something like that.... I remember thinking that it wasn't quite the right time for me to "leave" where I was due to my medical circumstances... "This must be part of the plan," I told myself. "I didn't snuff it and I am to return to central Illinois because of something.... Okay, God (I prayed), what is it?" I deluded myself into thinking there was a reason for my dumb luck. "There is a purpose," I muttered to myself as I rolled down the highway.... "There is a purpose for all of this!" I also thought there may be a couple other things that I have since determined were really faulty thoughts on my part (Mental note: Joe... USE HEAD!!! USE HEAD!!!) that brought me back here. I was trying to be positive... I was going to be open and all this shit. Well, fuck... if I am not in the same fucking boat as I was last year, except I have no vices.

I love the people I call my close friends that I have made here. Please, don't get me wrong. ... BUT, they're all busy with their own lives. God bless them...As for me, being single ... completely... in this town.... fucking blows ass... and add the fact I can't drink alcohol on top of that... AND, I won't believe anybody who tells me otherwise when I say the following. I am further crippled by being from North of I-80. .... I can sense, and at times, see the reactions when I mention my "Chicagoness." The reactions aren't positive... . "They hate us here," said a friend of mine not to long ago. . It was confirmed again the other night by a native... that same native who asked, "Why are you here...blah...blah...blah..."

I don't talk about my feelings to my local friends. I don't think they would understand... Or, maybe I don't understand... But, mainly, I don't feel like getting the whole bullshit pep talks I usually get. "Central Illinois is growing on ya!" they say. "No it isn't," I don't vocalize. Instead I just smile. "Maybe," I eventually manage to say. "You're accepted! You belong" They say. "By you and only you ... a small group of voices, but not by many others. AND, I am often out of place... You can see that... Can't you?" I say to myself. Outside, I say, "Perhaps." Face it, I don't have the history here that everybody I know has.... I won't ever have the history..... AND, I think I am one of a few pollacks that actually exist in these parts.

Last year... I don't remember when it was.... I made the decision to not get involved with anybody. There was a moment there where I actually thought I wanted too, and actually go back on my initial pledge... "Joe," I said to myself. "Look. Let's look at this positively. You can actually HAVE feelings for somebody... That's something you haven't felt in awhile. How nice to see that you aren't a cold, heartless bastard. Good for you! BUT, NO! NOPE! NO WAY! NO HOW! YOU WILL NOT HAVE THESE FEELINGS!" Oh, my dear, bored reader who is probably sick and tired of hearing or reading shit like this, have no idea of the debates that raged in my head over this!!! They were monumental! Stupendous! SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY!!! Joe's Head versus Joe's Heart at some nameless arena!!!! The question, do I take the shot? Do I put myself out there!!!!?????.... ... Aren't those the best type of discussions? That type of thought process? Round and around.. and the ifs and if nots... and all that jazz? I usually avoid such conversations with myself and roll along merrily... In this instance, I eventually managed to talk myself out of it... I managed to hammer out 5,000 different reasons why it was a bad idea to get involved...... And, I eventually narrowed it down to this simple thought, "If this person can't see me, and a great asset (I think in terms of business... silly me)., then I really shouldn't waste my time"... that and, well, the rule to not start any relationships because my time here was to be short... I was going to hold myself to that.

THUS, the plans begun!!!! I was going to leave!!! I was excited about this... but, well,... here I am... .... The search was on for new ports had become stalled!!!! Health and bad luck, and I hoped there would be a reason for the misfortune, but it ... well... I am pretty convinced there isn't!!! BUT, my dear, why haven't you left yet reader, my quest to find "home" will continue again! I am THIS close to just bailing now! I WON'T...BECAUSE, I have some promises to keep. BUT, ummmm... yeah, come January it's time to forge forward and find a road map to new ports. In the meantime, I will look for any opportunity to leave town for short term travels to keep sane and active. I have nothing really to ... well... stick around for... keeping me here... no reason to NOT go and see shit. What would you do in my position??? Yup, you'd learn to be alone and go see shit. This weekend I head to Wisconsin!!! WOO HOO!!!! Me, myself, and I in the woods.... SWEET!!! Too see friends the weekend after.... Illinois Vs. Wisconsin game in Madison after that....Chicago after that.... St. Louis after that.... "Joe Drinks a Beer Party" up in Chicago the weekend after that.... Well, that's all I got. Thanksgiving sometime in there...then Christmas... Hmmm... I need to fill up some extraneous weekends.... hmmm...

It's hard to live in a place that makes you feel alone, left-out, isolated, and committed too for a bit.

Done with my rant. Stupid horoscope.

Prost!

Might as well leave you all with a smile... After all, I wouldn't be me if I didn't try.

New Government Symbol:

Damn you, Lucy!

There are days where I just can't think of a title. Those days are simply called "titleless" days. I wait until I write something in order to come up with something.

Hi.

I've come to the realization that I need to spend more time traveling. I am finding it harder and harder to find reasons to stay in town. I'm single. I have really nothing holding me back. Let's see shit! St. Louis will be my next big stop. I've never been. I've driven around it. I've often wondered what's there. It's the gateway to the Midwest.... Let's go see the shit in St. Louis!!! Now, I have to find the right weekend.

Hi again.

It was another miserable work day. I think I have toooo much on my plate. THIS was not in the plan.... this... this plate shit. I didn't leave until... well, it was almost dark. I returned home. I ate dinner. It was then dark. Damn!!!! I hate the fall, only for that reason... Soon, I won't even see the sunlight at all. I will go to work in the dark. I will return in the dark. DARK! DARK! DARK!

Damn, I am tired.

Okay, so ... ummm... then...

I learned that fish pills have been found to make people happy. I eat 4-5 a day. Am I happy? I can't tell.

Oh, one of my favorite cartoons, in case anybody gives a shit. I know how many people must stop by and say, "I wonder what this Joe guy's favorite cartoon is... I wonder if it is something really cool?" And, yes, I think my favorite cartoon is really cool. It's called "A Boy Named Charlie Brown." I am a Charlie Brown. I am forever trying to kick that football only to have it yanked away. I have animals that are smarter then I am. I have friends that, well, don't often times carry blankets, but often times dispense helpful advice. I am surrounded by Lucy's. I work with or maybe for Pig-Pens. I wish I were a Schroeder. Violets and Pattys... and the like don't give a shit I exist. And, if they do, they make fun of me. I am Charlie Brown which is why I love his first movie. There is a great line: "Charlie Brown, if you notice, the world didn't come to an end." This is Linus's stellar advice to C.B. after he lost a spelling bee. Sometimes, it's only that advice that keeps me moving forward. Therefore, I continue to try to kick that football and I basically say "Fuck you!" to the Pattys and Violets. You go, Charlie Brown... May you find that little Red Haired girl!

Two fish...

...are swimming. They both swim into a brick wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"


HAHAHAHHAAAAA!!!! Makes me smile!

"Joe, you think to damn much!"

A Bunch of Strung Along Bits.... Ready? Set? Go!

Okay... so what... so I do. What's wrong with that? Sure... I think so damn much that I can't ever make a real decision... I decide something and then re-think my way in a different direction.... Okay, so I am indecisive. So what!?! Isn't it a Buddhist principle that basically says sometimes it's best to just sit there and do nothing? I think it's Buddhist. Anyway, isn't that what I am doing? Well, besides all the driving I do... I mean, what is it I have to DO Something? I don't, now, do I?

I've been avoiding, too. I've been avoiding those real tough decisions that we need to make sometimes. I just don't want to make them. Instead, I wait for divine inspiration or intervention. The only thing that has really happened is that... every new place I walk, my path is crossed by a dear. I haven't a fucking clue what that means, other then... ummmm.... I don't know what the fuck that means?

Last night I was talking with somebody I rarely know. She said, "What are you still doing here in (Location in Central Illinois)? You don't strike me as somebody who belongs in (Location in Central Illinois)." I don't know what to make of this....

My work has been damn awful lately. I can't figure out why. Today, I was so cranky at the end of the day I wanted to rip somebody's head off... anybody really. I was so cranky that I couldn't make any jokes.... well, not good ones. I started attacking people I know in my head... and verbally lashed out against one to another person. That person didn't do anything and neither did the person who I lashed out too... I knew at that moment I should've avoided the dinner meeting and went home to just sit there.

I have a new couch in my main room. It came from a friend. It's nice. I fell asleep on it yesterday. I guess that means we've bonded. The old couch... a couch with bad history is sitting next to me covered with boxes. I am using it in my den as a spare bed because it's a hidabed. I know, you don't care. Neither would I, but I find it terribly exciting because I have a guest bed... Now, I need overnight guests. Oddly, nobody comes to visit me here in Central Illionis. What kind of bullshit is that?!?!? I can entertain! AND, I have a map of Wisconsin on the wall that shows all the locations of Wisconsin breweries, dairies, and wineries. In fact, back in the day, I used it to help plan a couple road trips to find certain beers.... sigh... I really have no longer a use for it. I put it up on the wall. I just noticed today that Colby, WI... home of Colby Cheese has a special banner. I guess Colby is a special cheese. Go Colby!

I learned there was a Chedder, England... Hmmmmm.... the wheels are turning.

I want to go to Buffalo, New York for Buffalo wings... Who's with me?

I think that's enough bits. I have more, but I fear, in my present state of mind, where these bits might go. At present, I hate my present situation.

When I rule the world....

Yesterday I decided to do the second part in a series of road trips designed merely so I can say, "Oh yeah? Well, I went to blah to do blah!" In the first part of my series I went to Colby, WI to buy a block of Colby Cheese. I did part two on Saturday. I went to Hannibal, MO to buy a book by Mark Twain. It was fun. Not only did I get my book ("Adventures of Tom Sawyer"), but I went on a steam boat, looked at a historical district, and walked around in a cave. It was a fun-filled adventure. It also gave me a chance to head out of Central Illinois for a little bit. When I returned, back to Central Illinois after my shitty ass summer, I said to myself, "Joe, you really don't have much in Central Illinois, now do ya?" I answered, "Some friends, but no, not really." "Everybody you know has their own lives and their living them, and you have the luxury of not having a life...right?" "Thanks," I said to myself. "I didn't need a reminder. But, I guess you're right." "Well," said that voice. "Let's road trip!" That's pretty much been the story of my weekends since I returned. Next week I am off to Wisconsin! It's that time of the season where I say good-bye to my summer home for six months... and wish for June so I can return there ... to cut trees... mow grass... and be amongst nature. Sigh...I miss it already.

Okay, so the point of my story. As I ventured to Hannibal, I started to make a list. The following ten items will be the first things I do when I finally rule the world.

1. I will make every state and national capital an amusement park. Each amusement park will feature the culture and climate of the region. In Illinois, for example, the park will be split into two themes: South of I-80 and North of I-80.

2. When I decide where my office will be, I will place the Prime Meridian there. In other words, I plan on working in two halves of the world at the same time. I will also make that line the International Date Line. Therefore, I can work for today and tomorrow at the same time.

3. Every Thursday, at all establishments, it will be $.10 Buffalo Wings night. AND, $2.00 pitchers of GOOD beer. (one of my future trips will be to go to Buffalo, NY to eat wings. This one will take some planning)

4. Cheese sauce will be eliminated and replaced with good, old-fashioned, melted cheese.... LIKE IT SHOULD BE!!! Come on, people? Cheese sauce? For fuck sake!

5. All of Canada will be a nature preserve. I have no issues with Canada. I just think it would best serve the world if it were a nature preserve.

6. It is my impression that most of the inhabitants of Arizona once lived in Illinois, therefore Illinois and Arizona should be one state called Illizonia. I will build a bridge between Illinois and Arizona for ease of transportation. I think in Illinzonia is where I will build my fortress.

7. Planet Earth will be called "Joe's Bar and Grill."

8. I will have my own jet plane. ... I think people that rule the world should have their own jet planes. It will be a stealth jet plane!

9. Chocolate for everyone!!!!

10. The world's currency will be called "Joe's Money!" ... Because, after all, everything will be mine!!!

Yeah.... what a wonderful world it will be!

Same old...same old...

I did it right this year.... I didn't give a shit. I knew that when it counts, my baseball team... well, they choke. I've seen it... Let me think... Fifth time now? At least in 1989, there was an earthquake that halted the World Series. Guess what? I am sitting here, actually, not giving a damn. It feels good. Yeah, best decision I made all year - not to get excited about the Chicago Cubs. I yelled at my nephew when he started talking smack in the name of the Cubs. "Dude," I said, "don't say a word. Don't say a word until that final pitch of the World Series and that scoreboard says "Cubs Win"! Don't get excited. Don't do a thing. Trust me!" It was good advice.

I bought a "walking wand." It's a light up stick that I use when I walk late at night. I don't want to get hit by cars (but, the way things seem to be going, that might actually be a nice diversion). The wand has two functions. The first function is a constant steady "on." That's pretty much the one to use on routine walking expeditions. What sold me on this cheap piece of equipment; however, was it's other function. It can blink. "Why would you want it to blink?" asked a friend. "Easy," I said. "I won't get hit by any low flying airplanes!" So, folks, don't you worry. I am safe from all the low flying airplanes. They won't be hitting me. How can they hit me with my blinking walking wand? Huh? How is that possible? "That would make a good story!" said a friend at work. "What?" I asked. "Getting hit by an airplane," she said. "Hey," she said, "I have a good story to tell.." as she mocked me. "Yeah," I said. "Let me tell you how I lost my left-hand. Funny story really. I was walking and a 737 just flew right by and cut it right off!" We laughed. I then looked at my friend and said, "Actually, I don't think it is a story I ever want to tell. I better walk with the wand blinking all the time." Yup! I am safe from those low-flying airplanes!

Prost!

Prost!

FUCKING CUBS!!!

It's always the same old shit with these guys... WHY? Why must the Cubs be a metaphor for my life? SHIT!

I go walk now.